directdogman:

(dave stands in front of a mirror, wearing old sport’s orange makeup)

Dave: “It’s me, old sport! Why, I love davey so much! I wanna be his father, and go to vegas with him and-”

(Jack enters his bedroom, and slaps his face)

Jack: “Dave, why are you doing this? Is this a cry for help?”

(Dave looks at the floor, defeatedly)

Dave: “…I searched for shiny pink acrylic spray paint, but the store was all out… This was meant to be a compromise…”